14 weeks

I have been failing to post, busy busy lately! 

We took in our first foster placement 2 weeks ago. And I am sooo tired. And today, sick.

Today we announced, today we have been together for 5 years, today we are 14 weeks.

Baby is the size of a lemon, actively moving around, growing hair... and can pee.. weird. 

In other news, waiting for my nephew to come. All day today I have had a feeling this baby will come out a girl. If that were to happen that would be, hilarious. By mothers day (next sunday) he should be here! Can't wait to hold him! I need to get rid of whatever cold or cruddy feeling I have so I can hold this little one! 

11w3d

I have finally graduated from my RE! Bittersweet to leave but so exciting because it's happening since I am ACTUALLY having a baby. What!?!?!?!

Today was the final ultrasound with the RE and next week I go in to see an OB for the first time. Weird. At first when the ultrasound started I expected the tech to turn the screen right away like she did the last 2 times. So I was squeezing J's hand starting to freak out. And then she turned the screen and we saw the baby most likely sleeping. AGAIN. How lazy. But then the tech had me cough to make baby move and the baby moved a bit and then put their hand on their head kind of like "ugh, come on guys I am tired!" And then the tech pointed out the legs and feet, and I could see the toes...such cute little toes!!! Simply amazing. I never imagined what this would be like, and it is crazy to me every time we see the baby. My RE checked me for the last time and told us good luck and to "bring the baby!" (She said that a lot, so I guess we will have to stop by after the baby comes) And she was saying she would guess this is a boy bc she thinks from the scans that the baby looks like dad. DEAR SWEET JESUS I HOPE HE WONT HAVE A BEARD!!! haha

We feel so blessed, and can't believe this miracle is happening. Truly a gift from God with a purpose we never could have guessed, since we were not going for a baby at this time. Baby, you are SUCH a blessing.

10w6d

So I'm lazy and don't update. 

Forgive me.

Last saturday (4.6.13) was Addison's estimated due date. To remember Addison we planted a tree. A crab apple flowering tree, it blooms in spring. It will be nice to watch the tree grow year after year, just like we should have seen with Addison.

Tomorrow I am 11 weeks and going to a Cubs game with J and my parents. So today I'll post the 11 week size stuff since tomorrow I'll be busy! 

At 11 weeks babies toes are no longer webbed and they are moving around in there. I can't wait to feel the movement. I will probably be over excited when that happens! 

3rd Ultrasound! 9w5d

Wednesday we had the 3rd ultrasound at 9w3d. I did not think I could be any happier than I was with the last ultrasound, but I was! The whole morning I was nervous, I wanted it to be over with to know if things are still ok or not. But of course we waited longer to get into the ultrasound...So I sat there, thinking, OVER thinking. Then we were called. Bottoms off, sheet on, and I'm ready. With my wonderful husband standing next to me holding my hand she turned the screen to us quickly again like last time, and whoa was there so much more to see in 2 weeks! It looked like the little turkey jumped up and waved! Seriously, it was SO cool seeing the little nubs moving. Then, after being amazed by our baby, the tech turned the screen and clicked away. She said baby is measuring over an inch, and the heart rate was up to 173. Again, amazing to see that little flicker on the screen. This is all so unreal. We did not plan this, we were not open for more heartache so quickly after the chemical pregnancy (Avery), even with that pregnancy it was still hard to deal with the loss of Addison. We wanted to avoid trying until May at the earliest. Even though I charted and used protection during what we THOUGHT was the fertile window, somehow this little munchkin ended up with us. And I cannot be any happier that God blessed us when HE knew the timing was right. 

Our Dr was actually happy for once and after one more ultrasound wants to send me to a regular OB, which I have NEVER been to! 

9w1d

I am too tired to take the time to type.

DON'T JUDGE ME!

Told my parents yesterday. J's mom got her package on friday. Obviously all parents are happy!! Who wouldn't be?!

Here is the baskets we gave.

3rd ultrasound on wednesday. I pray things are still going good in there.

My HCG is going up like it should but my progesterone is going back and forth and has not been "high" ever.

I want to hold on to this little turkey so badly.

8w1d

All I can say is...

Blahhh.

8 weeks - Ras(baby)berry

Today I am 8 weeks, they say baby's arms and legs are moving, my sense of smell will get worse...and that baby is weighing at .04oz!!

Baby (in the above picture) looks like a creepy uncle fester. 

I am dry heaving like crazy, no food sounds appealing, and once any does I eat it too fast. Need to find a happy medium. J is out getting me crackers as I type! I am dreading going back to work tomorrow because the smell of poop seems to be 10 times worse than before I was pregnant.

But considering I am gagging and smells do bother me and I AM tired, that HAS to be a good sign right? I pray that the baby is just growing away!!

Yesterday  J and I went searching for a clearance onesie to buy baby for first thanksgiving. I heard that Kohls might have some and that other November moms were finding an outfit.. did I?? NO!

But I did find a cute christmas outfit to wear that was less than $5! I searched for one that will be S's baby's size but had no luck. I did, however, find it on amazon and also found a cute thanksgiving outfit that says Mommy's little Turkey... I plan to buy them!! So this Turkey and S's baby will match for their first christmas just like the other cousins do! 

Aww little Santa butt!

7w5d

Heartbeat!!

Today we are 7w4d, and 7 months ago we were told there was no baby, and yesterday at 7w3d we saw the most beautiful thing. Baby WITH a heartbeat! 

The night before the ultrasound I could not sleep. For obvious reasons, I was so tired but had so much on my mind. I didn't want to go, I kept thinking the longer we wait for the ultrasound the longer I am pregnant. 

J got off work early so we got to wake up together and leave. We waited for a while for the ultrasound tech to set up the computer with my info. And that felt like forever. Then they called me in and I was SO nervous. I had J stand next to me this time, I didn't want to see his face looking at the screen and thinking maybe he saw something like our first pregnancy. 

I planned up looking up at him the whole time while holding his hand. The tech didn't give us much time for that, she turned the screen at us right away. Before I could question what she was doing I saw our little turkey, and the most precious flicker. Before she could say there is your little munchkin and there is the heartbeat I was in tears, I looked up at J and he had tears too. We thanked her for showing the screen right away, and she said she likes to share happy news right away and not keep us waiting. SO thankful for that. The heartbeat was at 146, and baby is measuring right on time. 

After the ultrasound she gave us our pictures to keep, baby is a cute blob, we met up with the nurse to go over how I am feeling and to check weight. Then the DR came in, and you know she just loved to bring down the party. She never sounds optimistic. Rude. 

I sent R (sister) the pic and she called back all excited. I can't remember if I said before that this weekend she basically called me out for being pregnant. And then we decided on sending the pic to S (sister) saying meet your God child! 

Planning on sharing with our parents on easter. Sending J's mom an easter basket and giving my parents one. 

Oh snap, I'm a step closer to being a mom!

7w2d

I got up the courage to let my bosses at work know about the pregnancy and the ultrasound tomorrow. Letting them know just in case anything goes wrong so I can just call and say something was wrong and then take the rest of the day to myself. I let them know that if everything is ok they will see me walking in very happy.
I let them know just because with my first pregnancy I had a NEW boss because of changes at the job and I let her know so I was pregnant just so she wouldn't look down on me for being late or missing work for appointments. I was glad I told (even though I did not enjoy my new boss for how she treated me after the loss) because after the ultrasound all I had to call and say things were not good with the pregnancy. Well, I could barely SAY it, I was sobbing. And I really hope I can hold myself together if anything happens to go wrong.
I am nervous for tomorrow, with the first I was 7w4d and tomorrow I am 7w3d. This IS my milestone. THIS is what I need to pass to breathe a little better. But again, there is nothing I can do beyond medicine to help this pregnancy, and I am already doing that. This is in God's hands.

7w1d

I had a dream last night that I was peeing on stick of EVERY kind... weird I know but I guess my brain wants to see this progress. 

I am cranky as ever lately. Poor J knows that from first hand experience. Still get a little queasy but no throwing up since friday. 

On saturday I told my dr how I have had rough dreams where I am losing the baby. I asked about any meds to help relax me before bed (as I was suggested by ppl on my BMB) And she told me she does not believe meds will change my dreams or help me relax but consoling will. I cried. I understand that I'm pushing feelings away from my losses but I never thought it would get to me like this.

I JUST got a call from my nurse and she let me know my hcg is up to 28714!! DAAANNNGGG! So she so kindly reminded me that this wednesday is the big one, to see if baby is there, or if baby has a heart beat, or growing right. I pray my lil turkey is, but I want to continue to give this to God. This is not on me. This is not on my husband. We do all we humanly and medically can, but in the end it is ALL in God's hands. 

Morning sickness has begun. 6w5d

At least I think so. 

And I love/hate it. This morning I felt icky and knew my tummy needed food so J was out getting dunkin for me bc all we have for breakfast is the nasty cereal. 

While he was gone I felt worse and then gagged while running to the bathroom. Then I ralphed, felt better and ate. 

While at work I felt icky again towards the end of the day and when I was walking to my car I gagged again covered my mouth and ran because I did not want to let it all out in front of work. Again, food made it better. 

Need to carry snacks!!

6w4d

Yesterday I woke up after having a horrible dream. We were at the ultrasound and they showed us our baby with no heartbeat. This is all so terrifying. I want to finally have a successful pregnancy. After I woke up I was crabby, lucky J came home early from work and got to view some extra crabbyness. We were sitting in the living room eating breakfast and the tv was playing a Christian music station I had on from the night before and this song came on. The TV screen only shows the song and artist in the beginning all other times is a black screen. So I typed the lyrics into my computer to find out the name of the song. This is what I found. The artist is Addison Road. I cried my eyes out. I can only hope and pray this is a sign from God comforting me.

I have to remember that no matter what happens, it is all apart of His plan.

6 weeks. Sweet Pea!

Today I should be 6 weeks and the baby is now the size of a sweet pea! 

Here is baby at 6 weeks...size wise and what they look like. Baby is starting to sprout some hands and feet. WHAT?!?!? I didn't even know that, I just have it stuck in my mind how I desperately want to see a heartbeat in a week and a half. 

I am nervous because with my first pregnancy I went in a 7w4d and they saw nothing, I was expecting to see a heartbeat but instead I got nothing. And for this one we are going at 7w3d. Seriously if I make it to 9 weeks without issue I'll feel relieved. I had the D&C done at 8w6d.

I am praying that baby is still growing, and that baby's heartbeat started and is waiting for me to see soon!! If things keep getting better we plan on telling family on easter, at 9 weeks. 

GROW TURKEY GROW!

Pink/Blue

J gave me a root beer float with a pink straw and a blue straw. 

He told me to drink from the straw that goes with which gender I wanted... 

since there is not a color for healthy I drank from both.

First ultrasound

Today we had our first ultrasound, according to my last LMP I should be 6w6 days...which I KNOW I am not. In my mind I was 5weeks. To our surprise we are a little over 5 weeks with the size the baby is measuring. And the new guess of the due date is November 3rd.. We felt great after the ultrasound! I could see more than the gestational sac, also saw the yolk sac inside. When I compare our first pregnancy with Addison to this one I see a lot more. I felt on top of the world when I saw all this. Until my dr kept reminding me the possibilities of not seeing a heartbeat and it not being a good pregnancy... THANKS DOC! Way to put fear into the mind of a woman who has had 2 losses. I understand that things happen, but let me be happy for now!! Jeez. We go back March 20th to look for a heartbeat... and that freaks me out!! By then I'll be a little over 7 weeks and a heartbeat SHOULD be there if this turkey is growing right! 

GROW TURKEY GROW!!

And as if there was not enough on my mind.. I had been praying for a friend to join me as a November mommy and I just got the good word! I keep talking to baby (I know baby can't hear me...) That they need to keep growing because I already have a friend lined up for them! I am waiting to share with them our special news because I want her to be able to enjoy the feeling of pregnancy and not just be told "Oh you're pregnant? ME TOO!" I hope she enjoys this pregnancy, she deserves it!

This weekend we held the surprise baby "sprinkle" for S... I admit, if I was NOT pregnant right now the whole thing would have been MUCH more hard for me. I ended up crying when one nephew saw his moms ultrasound pic and said "ohhh I thought that was YOUR baby.." I just had to walk away. 

I took maternity pictures for S&B, and had pictures taken of S with every guest... When we took our pic together we pointed to 'her' belly, but the picture makes me laugh because it could look like we are pointing to each others... I can't wait to tell family... 

Ok, well... I going to go be a nervous wreck for the next two weeks...

4w1d?

Yesterday I had blood drawn and then just asked for the nurse to leave a message. BIG MISTAKE. What she said made me worry! And I have not worried at all until then. I kept thinking that what will be, will be. But when she called she said "It is positive, I'll call you tomorrow to make a plan, but it is positive." Make a plan? What plan? Why? What's wrong? When I called back to maybe discuss things the place was closed.
So I called this morning, and she told me HCG is in the mid 300's and the progesterone was low so they want me on Crinone.. which I was on with Addison. I am really hoping this will help. And that no other problems will arise.
I go for more blood on saturday. And I am getting crinone samples so I don't have to buy it just yet. For now I am just using my leftover from Addison.

3w6d? 4w?

Betas tomorrow...
And I am going in my pj's since its pj day tomorrow at work. WOO!

Well then...

... turns out J and I have no restraint when it comes to trying to avoid. Last month with our chemical we decided to wait on trying again until May while losing some weight and saving up money to pay for the RPL work up. Well, I've been on a diet for a month today, and lost 16 lbs! 

Then tonight I had a feeling and took a test, and it was positive!! I will glady gain those 16lbs back as long as this is my take home baby!! At least I know what diet to do when its time to lose weight again. 

Tonight I tested, did not tell J because he was asleep and was going to head off to work in about a half hr. While waiting to look at the test, I prayed, I said that no matter what the outcome I will understand, trust, and move forward. After all this is all part of HIS plan! I noticed the time was up, went in to see the test and was shocked to see two lines. So I just took the test, woke up J, gave him time to realize I needed to tell him something. Then just said, "I'm pregnant." His eyes bugged out and we cried. I kept telling him that I am scared. Happy, but scared. 

We talked and I told him that I don't need to rush to my DR for betas, no driving an hr away just so I get the beta results faster. I can get them done at a quest down the street, and just wait for the betas. I am in NO RUSH. This will be what it will be. 

Today I am pregnant, and I love my baby. 

Oh and I have not done any prenatal care of any sort since the chemical, so I popped some of those and took my first bit of blood thinners. 

CD 19.. Nothing to do.

I kind of sucks knowing that I am ovulating and not being able to do anything about it. Not just because  my DR wants to do tests, but also for fear that if we were to get pregnant again that I would just lose another baby. And I'll be honest, I am not a fan of gender friendly names. I think we got some good ones with Addison and Avery. I am just not cut out for naming a non gender specific child.. But I personally feel bad for sending my baby up to Heaven with no name. To me it's like I'm sending my child off to their first day of school without the listed school supplies. Don't judge!

On a different note.. J and I got our first phone call for foster care... too bad it was for a 16 yr old boy and we are just not ready to take in a teen. I can't wait for the phone call that we can say yes to!