8w1d

All I can say is...

Blahhh.

8 weeks - Ras(baby)berry

Today I am 8 weeks, they say baby's arms and legs are moving, my sense of smell will get worse...and that baby is weighing at .04oz!!

Baby (in the above picture) looks like a creepy uncle fester. 

I am dry heaving like crazy, no food sounds appealing, and once any does I eat it too fast. Need to find a happy medium. J is out getting me crackers as I type! I am dreading going back to work tomorrow because the smell of poop seems to be 10 times worse than before I was pregnant.

But considering I am gagging and smells do bother me and I AM tired, that HAS to be a good sign right? I pray that the baby is just growing away!!

Yesterday  J and I went searching for a clearance onesie to buy baby for first thanksgiving. I heard that Kohls might have some and that other November moms were finding an outfit.. did I?? NO!

But I did find a cute christmas outfit to wear that was less than $5! I searched for one that will be S's baby's size but had no luck. I did, however, find it on amazon and also found a cute thanksgiving outfit that says Mommy's little Turkey... I plan to buy them!! So this Turkey and S's baby will match for their first christmas just like the other cousins do! 

Aww little Santa butt!

7w5d

Heartbeat!!

Today we are 7w4d, and 7 months ago we were told there was no baby, and yesterday at 7w3d we saw the most beautiful thing. Baby WITH a heartbeat! 

The night before the ultrasound I could not sleep. For obvious reasons, I was so tired but had so much on my mind. I didn't want to go, I kept thinking the longer we wait for the ultrasound the longer I am pregnant. 

J got off work early so we got to wake up together and leave. We waited for a while for the ultrasound tech to set up the computer with my info. And that felt like forever. Then they called me in and I was SO nervous. I had J stand next to me this time, I didn't want to see his face looking at the screen and thinking maybe he saw something like our first pregnancy. 

I planned up looking up at him the whole time while holding his hand. The tech didn't give us much time for that, she turned the screen at us right away. Before I could question what she was doing I saw our little turkey, and the most precious flicker. Before she could say there is your little munchkin and there is the heartbeat I was in tears, I looked up at J and he had tears too. We thanked her for showing the screen right away, and she said she likes to share happy news right away and not keep us waiting. SO thankful for that. The heartbeat was at 146, and baby is measuring right on time. 

After the ultrasound she gave us our pictures to keep, baby is a cute blob, we met up with the nurse to go over how I am feeling and to check weight. Then the DR came in, and you know she just loved to bring down the party. She never sounds optimistic. Rude. 

I sent R (sister) the pic and she called back all excited. I can't remember if I said before that this weekend she basically called me out for being pregnant. And then we decided on sending the pic to S (sister) saying meet your God child! 

Planning on sharing with our parents on easter. Sending J's mom an easter basket and giving my parents one. 

Oh snap, I'm a step closer to being a mom!

7w2d

I got up the courage to let my bosses at work know about the pregnancy and the ultrasound tomorrow. Letting them know just in case anything goes wrong so I can just call and say something was wrong and then take the rest of the day to myself. I let them know that if everything is ok they will see me walking in very happy.
I let them know just because with my first pregnancy I had a NEW boss because of changes at the job and I let her know so I was pregnant just so she wouldn't look down on me for being late or missing work for appointments. I was glad I told (even though I did not enjoy my new boss for how she treated me after the loss) because after the ultrasound all I had to call and say things were not good with the pregnancy. Well, I could barely SAY it, I was sobbing. And I really hope I can hold myself together if anything happens to go wrong.
I am nervous for tomorrow, with the first I was 7w4d and tomorrow I am 7w3d. This IS my milestone. THIS is what I need to pass to breathe a little better. But again, there is nothing I can do beyond medicine to help this pregnancy, and I am already doing that. This is in God's hands.

7w1d

I had a dream last night that I was peeing on stick of EVERY kind... weird I know but I guess my brain wants to see this progress. 

I am cranky as ever lately. Poor J knows that from first hand experience. Still get a little queasy but no throwing up since friday. 

On saturday I told my dr how I have had rough dreams where I am losing the baby. I asked about any meds to help relax me before bed (as I was suggested by ppl on my BMB) And she told me she does not believe meds will change my dreams or help me relax but consoling will. I cried. I understand that I'm pushing feelings away from my losses but I never thought it would get to me like this.

I JUST got a call from my nurse and she let me know my hcg is up to 28714!! DAAANNNGGG! So she so kindly reminded me that this wednesday is the big one, to see if baby is there, or if baby has a heart beat, or growing right. I pray my lil turkey is, but I want to continue to give this to God. This is not on me. This is not on my husband. We do all we humanly and medically can, but in the end it is ALL in God's hands. 

Morning sickness has begun. 6w5d

At least I think so. 

And I love/hate it. This morning I felt icky and knew my tummy needed food so J was out getting dunkin for me bc all we have for breakfast is the nasty cereal. 

While he was gone I felt worse and then gagged while running to the bathroom. Then I ralphed, felt better and ate. 

While at work I felt icky again towards the end of the day and when I was walking to my car I gagged again covered my mouth and ran because I did not want to let it all out in front of work. Again, food made it better. 

Need to carry snacks!!

6w4d

Yesterday I woke up after having a horrible dream. We were at the ultrasound and they showed us our baby with no heartbeat. This is all so terrifying. I want to finally have a successful pregnancy. After I woke up I was crabby, lucky J came home early from work and got to view some extra crabbyness. We were sitting in the living room eating breakfast and the tv was playing a Christian music station I had on from the night before and this song came on. The TV screen only shows the song and artist in the beginning all other times is a black screen. So I typed the lyrics into my computer to find out the name of the song. This is what I found. The artist is Addison Road. I cried my eyes out. I can only hope and pray this is a sign from God comforting me.

I have to remember that no matter what happens, it is all apart of His plan.

6 weeks. Sweet Pea!

Today I should be 6 weeks and the baby is now the size of a sweet pea! 

Here is baby at 6 weeks...size wise and what they look like. Baby is starting to sprout some hands and feet. WHAT?!?!? I didn't even know that, I just have it stuck in my mind how I desperately want to see a heartbeat in a week and a half. 

I am nervous because with my first pregnancy I went in a 7w4d and they saw nothing, I was expecting to see a heartbeat but instead I got nothing. And for this one we are going at 7w3d. Seriously if I make it to 9 weeks without issue I'll feel relieved. I had the D&C done at 8w6d.

I am praying that baby is still growing, and that baby's heartbeat started and is waiting for me to see soon!! If things keep getting better we plan on telling family on easter, at 9 weeks. 

GROW TURKEY GROW!

Pink/Blue

J gave me a root beer float with a pink straw and a blue straw. 

He told me to drink from the straw that goes with which gender I wanted... 

since there is not a color for healthy I drank from both.

First ultrasound

Today we had our first ultrasound, according to my last LMP I should be 6w6 days...which I KNOW I am not. In my mind I was 5weeks. To our surprise we are a little over 5 weeks with the size the baby is measuring. And the new guess of the due date is November 3rd.. We felt great after the ultrasound! I could see more than the gestational sac, also saw the yolk sac inside. When I compare our first pregnancy with Addison to this one I see a lot more. I felt on top of the world when I saw all this. Until my dr kept reminding me the possibilities of not seeing a heartbeat and it not being a good pregnancy... THANKS DOC! Way to put fear into the mind of a woman who has had 2 losses. I understand that things happen, but let me be happy for now!! Jeez. We go back March 20th to look for a heartbeat... and that freaks me out!! By then I'll be a little over 7 weeks and a heartbeat SHOULD be there if this turkey is growing right! 

GROW TURKEY GROW!!

And as if there was not enough on my mind.. I had been praying for a friend to join me as a November mommy and I just got the good word! I keep talking to baby (I know baby can't hear me...) That they need to keep growing because I already have a friend lined up for them! I am waiting to share with them our special news because I want her to be able to enjoy the feeling of pregnancy and not just be told "Oh you're pregnant? ME TOO!" I hope she enjoys this pregnancy, she deserves it!

This weekend we held the surprise baby "sprinkle" for S... I admit, if I was NOT pregnant right now the whole thing would have been MUCH more hard for me. I ended up crying when one nephew saw his moms ultrasound pic and said "ohhh I thought that was YOUR baby.." I just had to walk away. 

I took maternity pictures for S&B, and had pictures taken of S with every guest... When we took our pic together we pointed to 'her' belly, but the picture makes me laugh because it could look like we are pointing to each others... I can't wait to tell family... 

Ok, well... I going to go be a nervous wreck for the next two weeks...