Miss you baby.

Maybe over the next week or two I can explain and talk about this more, but for now I'm just going to share enough to get my point across.
Today J and I went to our second ultrasound. We hoped to hear the heartbeat but instead we found out that this was no embryo in the sac. We are heart broken, but we are trusting that God has his hand in this and it is all part of his plan. In a week I will be having another ultrasound and next friday I will be having a D&C, which we hope will give us answers as to why the pregnancy ended the way it did.
The biggest thing I want right now is to be able to hold my baby in 7 months, but happy to know that they are in the arms of God, and just a moment there is better than here.

7 weeks 2 days.

So for over a week now I have been wondering about my temps that I recorded to see when we ovulate. I temped so we could better our chances. Well July 10th I had a BIG dip in my temps and it was on the day we thought I'd be ovulating. But that day I think I had a super low temp because my wonderful crabby pants husband did not want to wake up that morning and walk over to turn off the alarm (I couldn't get up until after I temped so my temp would be more accurate) Anywho crabby husband presses snooze and jumps back in bed. Thus moving the bed and the thermometer around. So after I typed in my temp is was SUPER low. (it dips on day of O) and I was mad because I didn't know if it would mess up my temps. So I temped for 5 more days to see that the temp was still up and then quit so I wouldn't be obsessing until that glorious monthly gift came. But little did I know... if I just would have temped 2 more days my O date would have changed. See, on July 14th I had a temp that went just below the line that fertility friend (.com) gave me. I never really noticed until after we got pregnant that it was like that. So today I played with the chart and added 2 more days of temps the same as the last day I temped and sure enough fertility friend changed my crosshairs, giving me a new O date and a new due date. April 6th which matches up with the current size of baby.
I find it beautiful that we somehow managed to 'make' this baby on a day that we were really not 'trying' since we thought our monthly cycle chance was over. I just feel even more blessed by it. That the baby is practically and unexpected gift given to us by only God's choice. If we stuck just to our O date we wouldn't have this gift.
Thank you God for this wonderful gift you have given us. I trust YOU, and depend on YOU for any and all twists and turns we may have in this pregnancy and in the life of this child you have given us. I know you are with us and that is SO comforting. Excuse me if I am still a little nervous on Wednesday to see the heartbeat. I am only human.

Rawr.

Everything today is making me SOOOO mad. Hormones going nuts or is it just a bad day? Idk, but J is lucky he wont see me until tomorrow morning.
Could also be because I am so emotional about today because AGA's last day. Yeah I get the fact that things need to change blah blah blah.... but I HATE change.



....other than the fact that my life is changing because of a baby, I'm cool with that.

Dear Baby...

Dear Baby,
              I so badly want to meet you. I'm willing to wait the next 7 and a half months if you are willing to stay. I already love you so much. I want to do ALL that I can to keep you!

                                                                   Love, Mommy

Lunch.

Mashed potatoes on pizza. Delicious! I doubt that I ate this because of a craving, I've always liked my food weird. Oh and oreo ice cream cake. Wish I could take a longer nap at work from my food coma, but my break is over now....

+  
= Nom Nom!

Be an Optimist Prime!

Today we had our first ultrasound! Baby is measuring at 5 1/2 weeks and we will have another ultrasound in two weeks. And we should hear/see a heartbeat that day. I so badly want to know our baby is growing bigger and bigger just to come be with us!

See the black little dot? THAT is our baby! It really is the "sac" we are looking at here. I was a little bummed because we were thinking I was 6 weeks today and that there could be SOME chance we would see a heartbeat. And it made me nervous that the size of the sac is not what we assumed. But the doctor and nurses didn't seem to care at all, and I trust them. Obviously I've never been pregnant before so I'm not sure what is "normal" so every little thing freaks me out. I just can't wait to meet this sweet baby, can't wait to hold that cute little 'blip' in my arms someday. April cannot come fast enough, but grow safely baby, I understand. : )

 I was being a sour puss and all nervous and asking the dr what happens if there is no heartbeat? Just giving a lot of "what if's" So the dr was telling me not to worry until we get to a point like that and J said "Be optimus prime..." I wanted to laugh so hard. I love having him with me. I swear it makes the nurses uncomfortable because we laugh SO MUCH but oh well. He knows how to keep me from really freaking out and to keep the mood light. I love him.

Blood work results

So this morning J and I had to wake up at  5:20 get ready, leave the house, get change for the tolls, and head out on the road to get my blood work done over a half hour away! I'm so glad that I can get blood drawn much closer to home on wednesday!
So I was VERY nervous this morning after I had blood taken because I spoke with the nurse about how HCG should double between the times we take blood and the last time it only went from 400 to 500... well this time I am over 1,000! So they say HCG is just fine but progesterone is still a little low, I forgot to ask how much it did go up. I hope by wednesday that ALL levels are at a good spot.
Wednesday is also the ultrasound and I'll be 6 weeks... so MAYBE we can hear a heartbeat? There is a small chance but they might make me go back for another ultrasound at 7 weeks.

I am SO thankful for the blessings God has given us already with this baby! Well, embryo.

Blood work.

Soo it turns out (at least for now) that our due date is April 3rd. Nephews birthday! Anyway, this can change again, maybe even change two more times as time goes on, judging on how the baby is growing.
So now we start new weeks on wednesday and not tuesday. So we would have been 5w5d today but we are 5w4d. And we are going wednesday to have an ultrasound at 6 weeks. Pretty early but Dr. wants to keep a close watch on us. And this past friday I had a blood draw at 7am to check on HCG and progesterone. HCG went from 400 to 500 and progesterone went from a 7 to a 9. I'm doing meds for progesterone daily to raise the numbers. And I have another blood draw tomorrow at 7am and should find out if my numbers went up again. Up is good, very good. And down is bad, very bad, like miscarriage bad.
We are praying that God continues to bless us and watch over us during this time (and the rest of the pregnancy)